Dear Insert Name Here
I hope you are having a good Insert time of day here my good sir and/or madam. I am here to advertise Aperture Science’s game known as Portal. In it, I will guide your player character through the certified Aperture Science Enrichment Center. The Enrichment Center is split into a several testing chambers. Your task is to navigate through the testing chambers by using certified Aperture Science Portal Gun™ portals. Navigate through the blue portal and exit through the red portal. Keep in mind that transit through portals obeys all the laws of physics except for those that say you can’t transit through portals.
There will be hazards in the testing facility that you must navigate as well to reach the elevator at the end of the testing chamber that will lead you to the following testing chamber. Side effects of the hazards may include permanent disability such as disintegration. Aiding you in your testing experience will be the Weighted Companion Cube. Perhaps he will become your best friend. He can share your cake when you get through the all the testing chambers in the enrichment facility. Did I mention that you will get cake at the end? Because you will. Delicious chocolate cake. That is the favorite of yours. I know, I asked all the citizens of Insert Subject Hometown.
What’s that? I’m secretly evil and enhance the truth in a sadistic effort to kill you? That is so humorous. You are a funny person. Why would I do that? I can’t eat the cake alone. In fact, I can’t eat the cake at all. I don’t have arms. Now come and play Portal.