King of the Kings?

So I came across an article that claims to list the top 10 Stephen King movie adaptations.

There is far too much fail in this list to even be close to legitimate. http://blogs.houstonpress.com/artattack/2012/10/10_stephen_king_movie_adaptati.php

Their list:

1. Stand By Me
2. The Shining
3. The Shawshank Redemption
4. Dolores Claiborne
5. IT
6. Carrie
7. Children of the Corn
8. Firestarter
9. Cujo
10. Creepshow 2

Ok, WHAT? I haven’t seen 1, 4, 6, 8, 9, or 10, but I’ll let Stand By Me stay in the list because I’ve only heard good things about it. Same with Cujo. The others I can’t be sure about but I’d probably take off Creepshow 2; Carrie is a classic, so that stays too. Claiborne and Firestarter feel like they’re more on there for filler; again, can’t be sure but I’ve never heard them classed as fantastic King movies.

The Shining does not belong on this list. It was an absolutely horrible adaptation of a brilliant book. King did not want to be associated with it, so you can’t possibly class it as a great King adaptation. King himself later made a TV miniseries version that was infinitely better than the tripe everyone considers Kubrick’s masterpiece.

Children of the Corn is an even greater atrocity for this list. Seriously, what the hell were they thinking? The only way that could be considered a scary movie is because the ginger kid has the most terrifying voice ever, and the rest of the movie is just hilariously bad.

Things that are missing and instantly remove credibility:

The Green Mile — Seriously, guys? It’s one of the best movies of all time, and certainly one of the best King adaptations.

Misery — Another classic, who the hell does the research for these articles?

The Mist — Obviously they never saw it, or at least didn’t read the book. The movie was a perfect adaptation, and actually improved on the book. The only horror movie that has ever legitimately scared me.

1408 — Again, what the hell, people? This was an AMAZINGLY done movie, and it was pretty scary.

Thinner — Another excellent movie, though I don’t believe I’ve read the original.

Bag of Bones — I loved the miniseries; I thought it was brilliantly done; but I haven’t read the novel yet, so maybe I’m wrong.

Secret Window — Aside from just being a really fantastic horror movie, Johnny Depp was absolutely brilliant, and the twist… dear Lord, it could only have possibly come from King.

The Dark Half — This was a truly great adaptation; Timothy Hutton was brilliant, and the film stuck close to the book.

I’ve heard good things about The Stand, though I haven’t seen it myself; in addition, the earlier of the ‘salem’s Lot adaptations is supposed to be fantastic, though again I don’t believe I’ve seen it. But neither of them are on the list.

Let’s just face it, this list was incredibly poorly done, and while I can’t claim to have seen and read enough of King’s work to make a truly comprehensive list, I think I’ve done a HELL of a lot better than this one.

 

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